Why Dr. Greene Says You Won't Get to the Bahamas

by Aubrey Page, Collaborator/CEO

I talk to a lot of parents.  I talk to parents in crisis, parents who think they've gotten it all figured out, and parents who think this "new age" positive parenting movement is ruining society.

If only they understood "Kids Do Well If They Can" like I do.  Dr. Ross Greene uses this as the foundation of his approach of "Collaborative and Proactive Solutions" (CPS).  His website says, "The model is based on the premise that concerning behavior occurs when the expectations being placed on a kid exceed the kid’s capacity to respond adaptively."

He says the opposite of "kids do well if they can" is "kids do well if they wanna."  That is, our belief shifts to the idea that kids have to be motivated to do the right thing.  Then we are in a position of adjusting bad behavior rather than correcting a skill deficit or altering an expectation.

I often explain it like this...
I used to drive ships.  So say you and I...

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FASD and Human Trafficking

by Aubrey Page, Collaborator/CEO (originally published July 30, 2020 on aubreypage.org)

In honor of World Trafficking Against Persons Day, July 30, I want to discuss the intersectionality of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders and Human Trafficking. I have been a passionate advocate for human trafficking for years, but one of the reasons that it was easy for me to be passionate about FASD was that I saw this link.

Human trafficking is a complex series of people grooming children and adults in order to exploit them. Let's look at what steps these take. Many professionals reference the AMP Model which stands for Action Means Purpose.

The AMP Model is widely accepted as how to identify the existence of trafficking, but it is important to note that children cannot consent and do not require means.

 
 
So then if we look at how FASD can be impacted, we will see that individuals with FASD struggle with cause and effect. That can mean that individuals can be more easily...
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What makes your eye twitch as a parent?

by Aubrey Page, Collaborator
Sometimes you feel like you're spinning in circles. You keep trying new parenting tactics, but you hit road blocks. And then that one thing happens. The thing that makes your eye twitch.
 
Maybe for you it's lying. Maybe for you it's disrespect. Maybe it's sibling fights. We all have the thing. The thing that sends you from 0 to 100 in 2.5 seconds flat.
 
When we are in the moment we feel like it's the thing that our kid is the worst at, but when we are able to step away we can see it's the thing that impacts us the most. Whether it reminds us of our past or happens to be a message we got about parenting that makes us feel like we are bad parents if our kids do this. Either way, it is about us. Not them.
 
For me, this is the hardest part of parenting. I want to hold my kids accountable for every feeling I have. Explain to myself that it's because they do x that I yell. Or because they won't do x that I took away whatever. Realistically,...
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